Never Thought

On the 8th of September, I got on a plane bound for Taipei. Five weeks earlier, a friend that I had made during my 2020 intensely life-changing trip had texted asking if I wanted to play a rugby tournament. I hadn’t touched a rugby ball in well over two years, and I had, well… fallen off when it came to my fitness.

For the next five weeks, I made a point to improve my stamina. I started running. I ran on the beach because I didn’t have running shoes and well if I got too hot I could jump into the ocean.

But running wasn’t enough. Overall, I am happy with my progress, from nothing to running a mile and a half nonstop. It made me feel good. But it also made me miss a lot of things.

My life has been twisted and pulled in many different directions over the past three and a half years. A rugby tournament turned into a month-long adventure. That adventure took me away from my friends and community in China to a new country.

In Vietnam, I watched myself change. I was lost, and I wanted to find myself. I left one city for another.

After a year and a half in Saigon at a job I couldn’t stand, I walked away with the help and support of my best friend.

But I didn’t find what I was looking for. I was still lost and disconnected from myself. I found some old comforts, and maybe I didn’t consider what I truly wanted. I was happy to be free from Penn School but I wasn’t exactly happy.

I have had some fantastic times with my friends here in Da Nang. I have made friendships that I know will last a lifetime. I have discovered what I am looking for in a friend and what energy I want around me.

I am still growing, but for the first time in a while, I am happy with where I am. For now.

Traveling for rugby made me remember a different life. A life that I don’t have to give up. I can still be strong, have a good time, and be stable. I can travel and meet the most amazing women on the planet.

I can be humbled and realize I have a lot of work to do. On myself socially, physically, and financially. But this trip made me appreciate the diversity and challenge of the world I have built for myself.

I am greatful for every woman who played for The North on this rugby tour. It takes a lot to leave your country to do something wild. Rugby becomes so common place for a lot of us that we don’t realize how remarkable we are. I forgot a little bit. Thanks for reminding me.

I’m lucky to be able to learn and grow from these experiences.

I’ll always be a goofy, babbling, talkative weirdo. And I’m ok with that. But I don’t have to be lost.

Who's Laughing Now

I just got back from Spain and England I have a bunch of blog stuff that I’ve been meaning to post of the past, gosh, two years. I’ve done a lot and been a lot of places. I’ll go over it all at some point. Here are some highlights.

Got my Open Water license and went diving a bunch with this goof ball.

I missed all of the BIG things in America.

A student made me into a pony. I then quit teaching. More on that later.

Party times in Korean themed bars in Ho Chi Minh city!

Christmas times at a villa in Da Nang with some of the best people in the world.

Me quitting teaching in style by buying all my coworkers matching T-Shirts. So easy to source whatever you want printed in Vietnam.

Reunited with old friends. I quit teaching at the school that shall not be named in HCMC and moved back to Da Nang. We’ll see how good of an idea that was. But I’m feeling pretty good about it.

I’m still a massive rugby fan. Here I am at the HK7s.

Arrow doge ball is more work than I thought it would be.

My friends are having babies!!! This kiddo is like 25 now. I miss these people so much and I need to make time to go back to Phuket.

Being garbage people in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

And again.

Vietnamese pro-wresting is a thing and its amazing! This champion is from Singapore I believe.

Miss my cute farmer friend!!!!

I refuse to act like an adult.

Guess who showed up!

Quiz winners! At this moment I had no idea how much quiz would become part of my life.

Sisters!

So so much has happened since I last posted. I have changed the direction of my life. I’m still the same person and trying to be more of that person. I felt my career no longer served me and needed a break. I need to focus on being happy.

I would stand at the window of my old office, thinking about how people spend the best years of their lives locked away. I can already feel the effects of stagnancy on my body, mobility, and mind. Here is to more time on the earth living.

I Guess This is Growing Up

Read about me and look at sweet pics

Everybody’s gone and I’ve been here for too long.

Once again the great cloud of uncertainty looms overhead. It feels like 90% of everyone I’ve been hanging out with in the last six months is moving to Georgia. The country, not the state. არ მინდა საქართველოში გადასვლა.

Gosh, it’s been so long since I posted it's hard to know where to start. But mostly y’all mostly just want pictures right?

An apartment with a view

Felt cute might delete later

Time just goes by so fucking fast I feel like it’s tedious to record every feeling, no matter how hard I feel them. In the next couple of months, there may be some big changes, or there may not be.

All in all, I’m still hanging out in the heat, still trying to get people to play dnd with me, still taking long walks and pictures of trees. I have a lot more people to miss now. And I do miss all of you.

Everyone (Is a nihilist)

I used to tell people that my celebrity crush was Jack Kerouac. People would get upset because he was dead and didn’t count I guess. Well, it’s not like any of these current celebrities will ever love me back so why not pick one totally unavailable. Unfortunately, it seems that I’ve let the attraction to the unavailable bleed into my personal life.

Christmas time was wholesome

Holidays were nice though. I’m used to not being at home so that wasn’t an issue, more that I haven’t been home in over a year and it will probably be two whole years before I get there.

But I have friends to go on walks with.

But for real. I’m doing well here in Da Nang. I’m starting a new job hopefully at the end of the month. Which will unfortunately keep me in Vietnam at least until June. I was hoping to make changes earlier but things are settling for me here, and they are crazy everywhere else. I’m in a good place right now, all the stress have is my own making.

I think now I know better what I want out of life and I’m starting to realize which distractions are good and which ones are toxic. With the taste of the poison in this paradise, I think I can hold out for a little bit longer.

This is not a picture of my birthday.

It was my birthday this week so I’ll post the pictures that won’t upset my mom. I swear I’m not really doing anything that bad. I’m firmly on the other side of 30 now. Which is every way terrifying, exciting, and boring all at the same time.

I am happy with what I got this year. I wanted a change and the world was literally forced into one. I count myself on the lucky side. As the lunar year comes to a close, I’m trying to set my intentions.

Is Everybody Happy

Aw man I’m missing rugby so much.

Been creeping on the group chat from my winter rugby trip, they’re planning on meeting up and playing tournaments together. All I’m doing is sitting on my bean bag chair trying not to eat an entire bag of Wavy Lays in one sitting.

Not saying Vietnam isn’t great. I even got to have more than one Halloween.

I was myself for the second Halloween.

So much has happened since I arrived in Da Nang. It’s hard for me to put all of it into words. So I won’t really try. I had Covid hit close, not as close as a most people, but they did erect a “scary” barrier in our neighborhood. We were just on the outside of it and we, therefore, became pretty good friends with guards. They left at 9pm btw, cuz you know that Covid stops at night.

Somewhere west of Hanoi.

I went to Hanoi, and the surrounding areas in July. Saw some cool stuff, may have driven 7 hours to a waterfall that turned out to be, alright. Then I landed back in Da Nang right before the, 7 week, lockdown. I did a really good job of staying busy at first; studying Vietnamese, writing, keeping mostly whole foods, working out every day. Then the last two week I fell the F off. I more or less let my motivation trickle down to nothing. Probably had something to do with me getting fired and having to reevaluate my entire life situation.

Some kids hanging out at a waterfall in their hometown, that I drove six hours to get to.

I’ve been having schadenfreude hearing stories about how my old school is struggling. Apparently firing three returning teachers wasn’t a great idea. There are rumors that the new teachers want to leave. If they only knew that we understood the bullshit and would have accepted it happily for a paycheck. Truly, I miss being in the classroom, and my students, even if they use questionably analogies.

Is it strange that typhoons in the fall make me homesick? Lots of things have been making me feel homesick recently. I also have like 50 different homes to be sick for. I miss Richmond, Chengdu, Shenzhen, Cambodia, Chiang Mai, even Leeds a bit. But none of those places are the same as when I was there. Lots of people have left, moved on. That’s kind of why I’ve been kicking myself for not keeping better records, taking more pictures, spending more time outside of my room.

The two months of rain seem to be coming to an end, thank you sweet baby Jesus. I did manage to injure my foot last week so I won’t be at the beach til I get those stitches out. Maybe it’s a sign, I’m not sure what kind of sign or what is means or who it’s from but I guess I should accept it. Not like I really have a choice.

So I’ll be hanging out in coffee shops for a little bit longer. There are definitely worse ways to spend time. I never thought Vietnam would be my home for, realistically, over a year. I do feel lucky to have ended up here, but for real; This year/my time here reminds me of being on a 15 hour flight. The first three hours are alright, you’re just getting comfortable, then maybe you get a snack, take a nap, turn on a movie. Maybe it’s even a movie that you’ve been meaning to see but couldn’t find the time. Hour 7 goes by, you’ve woken up from a nap but, hey, it’s meal time, another glass of red wine another movie and you’re still cruising. Then hour 12 hits and you’re just sitting in your seat grabbing your knees, with your head pressed against the tray table, murmuring “get me the fuck off this plane”.

Scroll for Me

Weew so ok… It has been a m-f-ing year. I’ve been through two lockdowns in Vietnam, got fired for not returning to China during a pandemic, I made a bunch of friends and found a bunch of new weird videos to show my friends back home.

My year started out pretty good. I had a good job, went to Thailand with my work wife for New Years. In the first week of January, I moved into a new apartment and was starting to get settled. Spring Festival break was coming up and I was looking forward to island hopping and playing rugby.

I did see some islands.

Made in China and some dude…jk Dan is amazing!

I did play some rugby. I was lucky enough to play with some of the most amazing women. We came together in Laos, half of us have never met, played a two day tournament, and actually won something. Like fourth place or whatever but look how happy we are!

Rugby has been an amazing part of my life. Wherever I have gone in the world I have found love and acceptance with Rugby, on and off the pitch. One of the best ideas I’ve ever had was to go and play this tournament. It really changed my life.

guess which one is me.

Though I am more or less still the same person.

Throw back to my last rugby tournament in China.

Rugby knows how to party. I had no idea that the tournament would just be the beginning of an amazing adventure. A bunch of us decided to explore Laos and Cambodia(There was a lot more chaos in the planning but its only funny to me). We piled into a van we rented, and headed to Vang Vieng, where we learned the benefits and drawbacks of panic buying alcohol. We also learned that maybe it’s not the best idea to chose your tour guide from the crowd leaving a bar after a fight at 2am. We then made are way to Luang Prabang, where we played some incredibly drunkin mini golf in what I think was a preschool. But there was a bar there, we didn’t just break in during recess. There are no pictures of that. Well, just this one of not my proudest moment.

I saw a lot of natural beauty in Laos. I was speaking to out kayaking tour guide in Luang Prabang, that the water levels in the river have been affected by a dam built by China to aid in construction projects. While I was there it countryside seemed so untouched but the truth is humans will always find a way to exploit nature.

We flew from Luang Prabang to Siem Reap, well I almost didn’t make it. I thought I misinterpreted an email sent by the airline and showed up to the airport to find out I hadn’t actually booked a ticket. I figured my card had been flagged for international travel. I started thinking about how, hey, I’m gonna have to stay in Laos for a few more days. But, I told you I was traveling with amazing people right? With less than an hour before take off everyone rallied around me and came up with the cash for a last minute ticket. As I stood in the airport crying out of gradiditude I was reminded by Annemien that I could cry once we caught the flight.

Cambodia is amazing. It’s a beautiful, wild place full of history both dark and beautiful. I was lucky to turn 30 in that breathtaking country.

Unfortunately or thankfully, my phone died somewhere in Cambodia and I didn’t get a replacement until after my birthday. So just the juiciest moments will just have to remain in my memories.

Mad Monkey, Koh Rong Samloem, Cambodia

I finally made it to 30 with my Made in China family there to celebrate with me. After my birthday most of MIC split up. I made my way though more of Cambodia and into Thailand. I was lucky enough to get to play with a lot of them again in Bangkok. Which was a gorgeous shit show as well.

Bangkok 10s

The connections I made on this adventure remind me of how lucky I am to be here.

After Bangkok, I went to Chiang Mai, but it was coming time to make a decision. I was expected to be teaching in a regular, controlled, no noise environment, not the “quiet” room of a hostel. Instead of going into a lockdown in China I decided to try it out in Vietnam. I chose Da Nang, a beach town in central Vietnam, to be stuck in from March to the foreseeable. And, I’m still stuck. Things back home seem to be deteriorating and I feel helpless to do anything about it…. I guess I’ll just have to go to another rooftop pool party.

In all seriousness it has been an adjustment for me. I’ve just recently come to the realization that I live here, in Vietnam, now. The idea of going back to China becomes more and more distant. I, like well basically everyone, have had to put the development of my career on hold, taking steps backwards in many ways. But I do have the experience and the drive to keep going, for now anyway. So don’t worry about me too much.

It has been far from a terrible experience.

I am grateful for all the people I’ve made memories with over the past, fuck, I guess the better part of a year.

Though there are a lot of things pulling me back to China, or back home…

I think that it will be awhile before I make a real decision about the rest of my life. Right now I’m trying to maintain and move slowly towards the goals I have already set. It’s been an interesting hard, depressing, exciting, year full of great opportunities, massive challenges, and a whole new set of possibilities on the the horizon.

Hang the DJ

Quick up date with pictures! The last six months I have been doing a lot. So I’m gonna sum up from January to July. I was in China and a little bit not in China I did somethings and then I left for Washington.

I spent my 29th birthday on an over night ferry ride.

The journey was worth it.

I was the subject of a student project.

The school year has been interesting.

I’ve been making friends, loosing friends, trying new things, making bad choices and of course making great choices.

I’ve been trryyyying to be healthier.

After the X Mudder I ran in Chengdu. I was horribly hungover.

Still leaving time for leisure activities.

In the stands for the Hong Kong 7s tournament.

I’m a kid at heart.

I’m usually sitting on or waiting for some mode of public transportation. On the east coast until Aug, 8th. Keep in touch. More laaaater.

DanXia Shan, Guangdong China.

Queers Just Wanna Have Fun

So, I’ve been totally MIA on this blog. Which is stupid because I’m still paying for it. I’ve just been hella busy. Like, my job has me create ciriculums for five different courses. So all of my free time in the office was dedicated to lesson planning and all of my free time outside of the office was dedicated to regaining sanity. So I’ve mostly been using my laptop for streaming and downloading movies rather than blogging or writing anything that wasn't an exam.

I have been playing more music and singing more which has been pretty cool. Anywho now that we’re finally in exam week I have sometime to brag about how awesome my life has been these past six months while downplaying any and all emotional struggles. So, enjoy.

For those of you who don’t know I moved back to China in August. This is a picture of me drinking red wine on the plane to help me sleep at least part of the 12 hour flight. I was seated next to a young girl who sang along to frozen about five times over the course of the flight. But I’ve honestly had worse, at least it wasn’t Air China. I also spent about five hours before the flight crying in my mother’s living room battling the idea that I had made the wrong choice. Which doesn't seem too unreasonable looking back one it.

All in all I got over the initial fear and got back to being myself pretty quickly. I found the rugby team. Which I haven’t been as involved in as I would like. Partially because I’m busy and partly because practice is like an hour and a half commute from my apartment both ways. But he times that I have been able to make it out have been great.

They’re good people.

I’ve been questing to make friends. I’ve found a few and have been battling with what I’m looking for in all relationships. I’m trying to get out of old habits but it’s an on going process.

But I’m still me. And the Rios have followed me to Shenzhen. Though I couldn’t find the tall boys. I found some kindrid spirits.

And some cool characters.

And all the people I teach with are pretty cool. We’ve got a pretty solid group going. So that cuts the loneliness of the city a bit.

Shenzhen can be really beautiful at times. The weather is amazing, fuck the winter, and Hong Kong is a 15min fast train ride away if I need a change of scene and language. I am doing the best that I have here and these past six months have been eye opening for me. Since I am in a good place financially, I’ve been about to analyze the non environmental factors that affect my mental health. The most important thing that I did was change my location and situation. Now that I have nothing to blame, not money or weather or lack of adventure, though I would like a few more punk/metal/hardcore venues. I can take the time I need to at least begin to maybe start to figure it out.

And there has been rugby and all that entails so thats pretty cool.

I’m trying to create a space where I can be happy. I started one of those online therapy things. I’m using TalkSpace. The second therapist I have been speaking with is actually a helpful. So I think I’m gonna stick with it for a while, at least through the winter.

This shirt rules and I wear it to work all the time.

Speaking of depression, the news from back home is bumming me the fuck out. I actually had to turn off a video about those racist ignorant pricks in the red hats being racist ignorant pricks in public, or the shut down or like the class sizes in LA. Wew, it’s a lot and I hope everyone isn’t getting too angry and can focus on positive things and creating stuff and other hippy stuff.

Yeah I'm a bit weary of life in the USSA. I'm not sure when I'll be back for good. Maybe after 2020. In the meantime here are a bunch of pictures of me having a great time in Thailand. You can live vicariously through me.

I plan to do a bunch more traveling this year, and probably next year. Let me know where you are and we can meet up.

I'm just out here trying to live my best life. There is always time to change. I turn 29 in like a week or something so I can start my 1/8th life crisis.

Be yourselves.

Time Flies

I'm heading back east. Like real far east. I just wanted to start off with an apology to anyone I didn't get to see while I was back. Sorry, my priorites have been all wack. I still love you and you're all welcome to stay with me, wherever that may be. And I fucking mean that to all of you.

Going back to China is kind of surreal. I thought I was done, that I was gonna figure out life Stateside but I guess China wasn't done with me. A friend recommended me to a great school in an awesome city and I was like woah, how can I turn that down. I then spent the next month or so unsure if I made the right decision. I procrastinated and then got buried by bureaucracy. I couldn't sleep for a couple of weeks, thought I would crack under the stress and I almost did.

The look of sheer panic on my face outside the Chinese embassy.

Now I'm slowly inching closer and closer, out of my comfort zone and also back to it in a way. China seems like a strange land of opportunity for me. A chance to see who I really am.

I have the tendency in terms of other people. Wondering which member of the team I was, the brains, the face, the muscle or the wild card. Leaving the country and ending what I thought was a relationship that would turn me into a better person, helped me realize that I can't live trying to be something for someone else. I can't carry the weight of someone else's happiness at the expense of my own self worth. That I've had friends in the past that didn't like change and would refuse to support the process. I needed to fail. And I have found friends that will support the failure, exploring and figuring myself out bs. I've gained some new perspectives, I'm not on a path but navigating a interconnected system of rivers and lakes, lagoons and choppy seas realizing there is no wrong way to go, no point in fighting a losing fight with the current.

I know that all sounds pretentious and douchey but it's what came to me while sitting in the waiting room of the Chinese embassy waiting to apply for a visa. And I really feel like I've become more myself in the past six months or as Cassie said “yeah, you've gotten real weird” but I think I'm ok with that.

Sisters!

I am going to miss this country and all the beautiful people in it, and the vegan food. And I was lucky enough to send time with my family this summer and get my first sunburn, which is total bullshit. I never had them until I started used sunscreen, it's a conspiracy! Just like cloud insurance... but look at them up there...plotting.

I'm gonna miss all the awesome vegan food. This is at NuVegan in DC.

All “jokes” aside I'll be back and you should come visit me.

If You're Bored Then You're Boring

Current mood: So stressed out I might explode.

So I went down to Richmond last week, or was it the week before… anywho it was the Vinyl Conflict 10 year anniversary show with the Night Birds headlining. I bought my ticket like two months ago. I had so much fun. But I didn't wanna be a douche and take a picture of the band, so I uh don't have any pictures of the band. Also because I can never get a good shot. But now I have this dope camera so I should have tried… oh well.

Richmond is always a blast, I love seeing my old friends and all. I miss going to shows and being ignorant and drinking to much and watching fights almost happen. It's like Richmond is the land that time forgot. It reminds me that things can be simple. You can live a good life with good friends and good surroundings with less of the bullshit pressure. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself. I get stressed and don't realize I'm stagnating. I can at the very least appreciate where I am. Richmond reminds me of that hope and freedom. Freedom to and freedom from.

But I am super stressed out right now. I'm worried that I won't be able to to get my visa stuff in in time. I just wanna get everything done and start teaching. I've already come up with some good lesson plans and project ideas. But there is all this red tape in the way. Bureaucracy sucks!

So right now I'm stressing that I won't be able to start the job I want in the fall, that I might have to quit one of the jobs I have mid-season and end up screwing some people over and I'm not sure if I can take the leave I need from my other, online, job. Andlike the online job is like my back up if somethinggoeswrong with the China job and if I losethatbecause I take time off to get to the Chinajob andthe China job doesn'tworkout.... jesus. You see where I'm at. I'm hoping it'll all work out in some capacity.  Hopfully whatever happens I'll end up where I need to be.

Pride and Prejudice

So pride is this month. Which is cool, that increases the chance of me getting free various rainbow nick-knacks to by about 200%.  Which is cool. I can't help but be critical of the commercialization. Like I enjoy free stuff but I feel strange about waving a rainbow flag with Suntrust written across it.

I surround myself with some pretty awesome people and sometimes it makes it harder to interact with people that are more hostile to non normative identification. I mean most people are ok with gay, meaning that they don't have a strong opinion about gay relationships, as long as they are recognizable as a hetero-normative relationship.  Meaning there is clear gender definition between the partners and if that line is blurred it is in a way that is stereotyped enough to be comfortable, e.g. the "butch" lesbian or the "flaming" gay man. If it's not then people have opinions, which is pretty fucked. Like, you're opinion on me isn't going to change who I am, it might make me feel bad, or distance myself from you, but like if you want to understand what I like or how I feel, get to know me. Respect privacy and be a friend first, and don't ask about my gentials. 

That all being said.  I got way trashed like the friday night before DC Pride aka. Capitol Pride aka Capitolist Pride. Thankfully I wasn't on my normal game of taking tons of pictures while I'm drunk and there aren't any from Friday night, just this gem. 

I guess I haven't been drinking all that much recently and that has like not helped at all with the hangovers. I figured that if I gave my body a break then when I desided to drink again then it would be easier the nest day. I was fucking wrong, so so wrong. To the point that I think I might need to find a new drug of choice, maybe yoga. 

All in all I'm still working on that whole balance thing. I think I'm looking back to much at the way I used to live for answers and getting ever more dissapointed. I'm kinda comforted, though, by the fact that I won't ever be that way again. I'm more comfotible now. Even though I still struggle sometimes, I find that I have a better handle on whats important and I feel comfortible communicating my need to the people around me. 

Diversity Training

So I've come back to America. Making a pit stop in Dublin, which ruled. I met some super nice people and drank some real good beer and saw some more castles and stuff. Ireland is another country that I need to spend more time in away from the big cities. It's apparently not hard to do. 

https://nationalseedproject.org/white-privilege-unpacking-the-invisible-knapsack

Most talk by whites about equal opportunity seems to me now to be about equal opportunity to try to get into a position of dominance while denying that systems of dominance exist

I also made a pit stop in Richmond, because I had to. 

But I am now back state said, living in Baltimore with my mom. 

It doesn't feel like giving up and moving home, at least I'm trying to convince myself of that. Instead I am coming back to work on my relationship with stability. I have been floating for a long time, years before I moved to China. In fact China was the closest I've been to a stable heathly life, after I made a decision to be a little less toxic to myself.  But I realized, while I did a lot of healing in Chengdu, I was getting stuck in a rut and needed to make a decsion, Was I going to linger on a budget and party forever? 

I finding making a commitment is hard. I like being on the road, I like traveling and meeting new people, I just haven't been sustainible and now here I am. Should I stick around and try to save and then make my move, or find a job that moves with me? China is always calling my name. So many great mysteries of the East are still to be explored. Should I be a visitor or an inhabitant? What is really better, selfishness aside. 

Give Me One Reason

Is winter over yet? I don't think I understand seasons anymore. Six weeks ago I was sweating my ass off in Bangkok. Now it's currently snowing in Leeds, which is where I currently am hibernating. But alas | believe it is finally time for me to leave the warmth and safety of my cave venture out to make my fortune in the new world. Or the old world, is a bold world for me. 

I have really been enjoying my time here. I spent tons more time playing music with other people, in the month I've been here than I have in the past year and a half.  Which is something really awesome that I plan to do more of forever.  

But honestly, the weather. I'm probably just bitter because Thailand was so f-ing nice and there was a blizzard as soon as I got to the UK. And then the rain and the gray skies and the wind but apparently it's spring now so it'll be the same.

But I have managed to do some exploring while |'ve been here. So far I've made it to Scotland and Wales, a weekend in Amsterdam and even to Stonehenge in the south.

LLandudno, North Wales

Edinburgh Castle

So this spring will be bringing new life to the world and new opportunities for me. It looks like I will be moving back to the States for a while. Hopefully not too long, I'll be super busy so I'm banking I won't have time to feel depressed about everything.  It's a career move, the very beginning of a new adventure.

Rule #3

“Try not
to die”

Proof that nothing is sacred.

Corporatism is interesting. How it's pretty much impossible not to participate. Especially when traveling. I found myself, in China, frequenting Starbucks, opposed to other local coffee shops, mostly because they had soy milk and other places didn't. Chains offer familiarity. I know how it works so I feel more comfortable.  But I guess the entire point of travel is to make yourself uncomfortable, at least the way I try to do it. It also conflicts with my general "support local, F big business" attitude. What does it mean to say that you've been somewhere? Once you find the familiar away from the recognizable.  Once you've had that aha, cosmic unity, omg we're all connected moment. Like meeting people that have the same personality as someone you know that lives across the world and speak a different language, or finding people who like the same music as you, or watching kids in the street make games out of nothing and play with sticks. 

Little kid playing with a stick.

So, it took me the better part of two years in Asia to finally make it to Thailand. 

Evening in Koh Chang. #nofliter 

I met Kat over the summer while in Richmond. She is chill af and is doing six months teaching in Thailand. We linked up once I got to Bangkok. We went out, rode tuk tuks, listened to disco and had a blast. She told me about a punk fest in the city the weekend after I got there. It was mostly hardcore (windmill) but it was still fun. 

I was advised to get out of Bangkok on my visit to Thailand. Kat suggested the island of Koh Chang.

This Dave, I met him at the punk show in Bangkok, he agreed to join me on my island trip, didn't take much convincing. After spending the night in the bus station, we missed the last bus, we managed to get a 5am start to Koh Chang. 

We woke up in the bus station and made it to one of the most beautiful places I've been, so far, in time for my 28th birthday. 

We decided to walk around the island, which isn't possible fyi. But once we figured that out we found this really cool deserted beach. It looks like the area was once an old resourt but no one had been there for years.  Pretty sure if we'd stayed after dark we'd've found dinosaurs. (They're cold blooded and it's too hot on Koh Chang during the day)

Touched by an elephant.

We found a place that in exchange for some volunteer work put us up for three nights.  Here are some pictures of us working.

Very stressful job.

Left us with no nights to ourselves.

Rule #2: Don't throw up.

All in all a great experience. Felt great every morning. 

Green curry from May Kaidee's vegan restaurant in Bangkok.

I thought that two weeks in Thailand would be enough, boy was I wrong.  I needed the escape and the heat, I am currently still escaping in a colder place.  And the foood so good. Tones of stuff came with fish sauce but with help from Dave's phrase book, it wasn't too hard to ask for food without it. Koh Chang is full of foreigners as well so many of the locals had a working knowledge of English. Yeah I felt like a dick speaking English in a foreign country but would I have been more of a dick if I just horribly mispronounce their language when they spoke mine perfectly? I dunno, English isn't just my language it's a pretty universal one like its a lingua franca... aw jeez no matter what at this point I sound like an ass. 

Travel more, see things, meet people, eat plants. 

Over and Out

New Years Eve was a blur.

So, I’m currently in Thailand and I will have updates on that soon. But first, Christmas and new years. It seems so far away now. I really needed these friends in Chengdu. It really started to feel like home. But it almost broke me. I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. The combination of the cold and dark with the troubles at work, it felt like the only thing holding me together was these people. But they have their own lives and I am bad at asking for help. I know I have first world problems and I'm lucky to only have to deal with emotional health and hangovers.  That fact doesn't make them any less real. In a world of of "what about" culture it best to focus on what I can affect. 

There pomegranates doe... #nofilter

That’s why I’m here, in beautiful, warm and vibrant Thailand. I’m starting to feel better. I still have avoidance anxiety and I’m still unsure about the future but I’m proud that I’ve done something for myself. I'm taking steps to a cleaner bill of mental health. When I'm ready I'll go back and take a healthy stab at teaching abroad. 

Puppies help.

And it helps to have friends with senses of humor. 

Someone brought a bunny to the bar. 

Big parts of the reason I want to go back to Chengdu are the things I've started, including an awesome DnD campaign began a few weeks ago with some friends of friends.  I need to continue the adventures of Aleda the ex-sailor fighter that is secretly a fire Genasi. Neeeerrrddd. 

Also rugby, I have some serious rugby obligations that I will be neglecting. I'll try my best from afar but I'm gonna be selfish af this trip. 

Chengdu became like Richmond to me. I stayed for the friends even though I was miserable. It’s like a shitty job that you should quit but you don’t because you love your co-workers and you don’t want to leave them or let them down.

I am lucky to have experienced the love of so many awesome people. I think I will be back but I need time to collect myself. I haven't said goodbye yet. 

Thanks China

topical side note : If you gain the Senate seat but you ran against a pedofile... did you really win... can you really celebrate?

So China doesn’t care about Christmas. Well, that’s not true. They make all of your Christmas presents so they do care quite a lot. The west funds their Chinese new year vacations. Also I’ve heard that pollution gets worse around Christmas because factories are working over time. Enjoy your world’s best dad mug you freakin fascist.

I’m working through the holiday season. By a strange twist of fate I managed to get Thanksgiving off, my school was having an event… they didn’t need me. Any excuse to blow off my already easy as fuck job

Well, it’s easy on paper. Trying to work through a language barrier with kids that are in school, a place they don’t want to be, to teach them something objectively difficult in a way that doesn’t make you and them want to die. It’s a balancing act that may try and fail at. I think I’m doing alright. The trick is, don’t teach the kids ways to criticize you in English and you can pretend you’re the best teacher in the world.

I’m working on getting my online teaching career up and running. I want the extra money, hopfully my laptop with holdout until I can earn enough to get a new one.

Side note: Is it fucked up to use your computer to obtain its replacement. I didn't mean anything by it robot overlords.

http://pro.bols.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/atlas.jpg

I want to be able to make money while traveling. The closer I get to leaving China the more I realize I can’t go back to having a “normal” life. Working a job a hate for money I then spend on temporary good times. “When I think of all the good times that I’ve wasted having good times”. The only thing is I wish I had started sooner. I talked myself out of teaching abroad for years. The things I thought were important still are but what really matters will make an attempt to keep up with you.

Thanks China

Thanksgiving just passed and I have a lot to be thankful for.  I made it to the other side of the world and I've met a bunch of great people and see a bunch of awesome things.  I miss my friends back home but really I wish I could bring them with me. It would be nice to have a little slice of home in the Middle Kingdom.  LIke when someone stops dead in the middle of the sidewalk in front of you, it would be nice to have a friend to give "that" look to. 

That being said there are few things that still drive me crazy. You can't be in a hurry here. At least in Chengdu, it takes well over an hour to get from one side of the city to the other. Many pedestrians will stop in the middle of or take over the whole sidewalk, preventing you from passing. The other day two women stopped at the entrance to an esclator and stood oblivious for several seconds as people lined up behind them. I don't understand how one could be so spaically unaware. 

Sometime you become too aware of the differences. You need to create a community when living in a new place, especially a new country. In a new place, you have to force yourself out of your shell. Trying to make new friends at 26 is a horribly awkward task. It involves introducing yourself to people and asking them to hang out, elementary playground style. It normally pays off though, most of us are in the same boat, trying not to die from loneliness or boredom. It takes some fishing but eventually you'll find people from all different parts of the world that are just as strange as you are.  

Purple Haze

I've been having internet issues, especially with uploading photos. I'm trying. I think my computer has had about enough of me.

I'm trowing up a six, fyi. 

A lot has happened since my last post. Two rugby tournaments one here and one away. I've started taking Chinese classes, hoping not to be the asshole that moves to a new country and doesn't learn the language. I've been here for a year and apparently the Chinese that I have picked up is.... shit.  Just like the Chengdu winters. Yeah, it's still technially fall but I'm already dreading thaaat season. It's nice today but I have the feeling that nice days will become fewer and fewer as we descend back into that hazy black hole that is Chendu in the winter.  

Speaking of change, I got a new tattoo. I met this guy online a long time ago. He was the first rock-and-roll Chinese guy I've met. He is an apprentice and he offered to give me a free tattoo. After some deliberation I accepted. It's a lady, I like to think of her as my ruined woman. Apparently being unmarried after the age of 25 is not looked on well in old-school Chinese culture. That mentality is still held by a lot of people's parents.  I feel it's appropriate for me.

With no parental supervision, I spent the last weekend in Xiamen. It was the annual women's rugby All China cup. It was a blast. I deffo went hard. We played four games, won two lost two.  I feel pretty happy with my performance on the pitch as well, despite being unfit as heck.

After the matches we watched the Xiamen and Gunagzhou men's teams play, that's when we started on the beers. 

"Spice Girls" was our tour theme. We wore red wigs and black dresses and carried around a set of fake peppers. That night, I put my wig on our taxi driver on the way to the bar, the rest is hazy.

Spicy taters.

What I do know is I'm still enjoying my time here. I have to keep reminding myself of the great opportuity that I have in front of me and not fall into old habits. Parties are great but there are parties everywhere. I want to make goals and absorb as much as possible, like a cultural succubus.

No Gin Just Juice

H took this picture of me.

On Wednesday I woke up super early for no reason. At like 630. I tried to go back to sleep but I was hungry and that made it hard. I managed to make it to 8 and found a place that delivered breakfast. Even after that, my body was done with sleeping. I managed to waste a couple hours reading and interneting but the whole time all I could think about was getting out. Getting out of my house for sure getting out of the city ideally. At about 1030 I made my decision. I was going to text H to see if she was doing anything/wanted to go camping, if not I would go by myself. 

Luckily H told me she was getting ready to head to mountains. A couple text messages later, I was packing my bags. We were picked up from her apartment building by her friend's brother/cousin. After three hours through Sichuan, we reached the Siguniangshan town. It's the last stop before hikers climb the peaks of the four sisters mountain.  The town was tiny af and cute af.

#nofilter

The air was clean and the sky was clear. I almost hurt to breath in air that fresh after being in Chengdu. Also, the air was definitely thinner, we were both winded after climbing the stairs to our third-floor hotel room.  Our room was tight, two twin beds, both heated (needed because it was COLD up there) and a great view of the surrounding mountains. We couldn't see the Four Sisters but we got a good look at them later.  After we got settled, they prepared a vegan dinner for us, which was pretty good, they tried. Not eating meat doesn't make a whole lot of sense in typical Chinese culture, even today, especially if it's not for religious purposes. There is still the mentality that if you can afford meat you eat it. But they were super accommodating and I will not look a gift horse in the mouth. 

Juno took this picture.

After dinner, we wanted to explore. We grabbed our instruments, H with her guitar and me with my uke, and went for a walk. We found a bar on the second floor of a nearby building and decided to check it out.  We sat down at the table next to the foosball table. Two women asked to join us and as soon as we got settled the power went out. The owners came around with candles. Giving the whole place a tavern in the woods kinda feel.  Sans background music, I started to play my uke and soon enough we had an audience. Someone sat down with a baby and asked if I knew any kids songs.  I blew them all way with my captivating renditions of "You Are My Sunshine" and "If You're Happy and You Know It".  The baby liked it at least. 

The two adult people who joined us, Mew and Juno, were are also from Chengdu. They spoke English and we exchanged wechat info, maybe future students.  They invited us to play pool with them. We agreed but I'm total shit at pool so we lost pretty hard. Catch me at the fooseball table doe!! After that we wandered back to the hotel and ptfo.

Upon waking up the next day we found out that H's buddy had plans for us. We loaded in the car and headed somewhere. I had no idea where we were going pretty much the whole time.  I can tell you it involved a car ride to a ticket booth, a bus ride to f-ing amazing views of the mountains and a lot of little stops along the way. 

I took this picture out of the back window of the bus.

After that, we were pretty exhausted. I took a nap but H, who was now developing a cold, did not. We had dinner then went out to another part of the city. We walked around a little but it was pretty dead, the night before was the Autumn Festival, I guess now everyone was climbing the mountain or asleep. We went home to warm beds. Also, we got a ...ahem... special delivery before going to bed. Someone was nices enough to lend us some green flowers, along with like really expensive face masks, which was cool and totally unexpected. 

The next day we just chilled. Smoked and hung out on the roof top, listened to music and ate snacks.  The sun gets pretty hot there in the mountains. We managed to wear just shorts and t-shirts for most of our rooftop times. 

The Kraken was out in full force.

That night we went back to that bar, H's friend came with us. We managed to anihilate him and his buddy at foosball. I think they were a little embarrassed ha! 

The four sisters from left to right. Si, San, Er, Yi

We left the next morning feeling reinvigorated. Like we could take on anything Chengdu could throw at us. It's a hard city to live in. The Du can be a real lonely place, especially if you're a little bit lost. The expat community is great but not everyone is looking out for you. It's almost like there is less accountability here. We fuck with each other kind of but finding a real friend anywhere who will support your emotional growth is rare. I'm happy I found at least one. 

Here With Me

Alright Alright. I'm getting used to life in China now. It's hard here sometimes. It's this crazy kind of lonely. When you're blue you can't even get your favorite comfort food or cuddle with your best friend. I've got friends though. This week, National Day/Autumn festival, to chill the fuck out. I've been going to hard for too long. I haven't really taken time for myself. I've been living with my ID. I've been way too irresponsible and I need to make a change. I'm having a night in and it's great. This is the beginning my two weeks of sobriety. (Oct. 2)

I've been hanging with H a lot. I forgot how much I missed just chillin and goofing off. I also showed her my copy of to change everything by crimethink and she loved it. Which made me so happy. I'm glad to have made a friend who is open to a more radical way of thinking. I thought that being here I would meet a lot of basic people, but I've been proven wrong. She's also working on becoming vegan. One of us one of us! All I see is green and black! 

I've been trying to recruit for the rugby team but it's been slow going. I have a bunch of ideas now and I'm not sure how to implement them. I love rugby so much and I just want to play. Looking forward to the Xiamen tournament. It's a little stressful as I've just been thrown into the first but I have a few ideas.

Other than that I've been floating along a little. Stressed that I'm not doing well at my job. I'm worried that I won't be able to renew my visa in February. If that happens I don't know where I'll go. I want to travel more. I'll probably wonder until I end up somewhere. It's a scary but comforting thought. 

But I have plenty of time until then. As long as I keep up with work I'll be ok. Keep busy and go out in moderation. I've been cooking for myself a lot more. I need to get back on the oil-free kick. Also working out more, I need to be doing yoga everyday again, get my head back in the game.